"Paci Goes Bye-Bye"

This isn't an advice piece. Just thoughts of a mom:


I watch her as she lays in her bed. Her eyes glitter in the light of the night-light. I stroke her soft, rosy, chubby cheek. She had been crying. It is understandable. She has just had her constant comfort taken away.

I talk to her in a soft tone to comfort her.

"You're a big girl now. I know this is hard."

A flood of thoughts overwhelm me. My heart bursts with love. I just want to take away her pain. I want to help her to understand: This won't be the first milestone. This won't be the first hurdle. There will be so many more.

I hope that she will understand someday though, that I would go through it for her. That she will understand that I love her and her sisters more than anything. That she will understand that I am trying my best to always be a comfort, to always let them know they are loved, and that when life brings the lemons I will help you squeeze them for lemonade.

Her eyes get heavy. I become hopeful that we will both make it through the night. Her breathing becomes more steady. All she wants is to know that she is ok. All she wants to know is that even though that constant comfort is gone, that something else will always be there: to watch over her, to be another comfort, and to feel loved.

I stop stroking her cheek and rest my hand on her chest. Her breathing is getting deeper and her eyes are getting heavier. She finally rolls over on her side. It is a good sign. A sign of comfort.

I watch her as she stares at the light and I wonder what she is thinking. She looks like an angel.

Finally, her breath is settled and deep. Those heavy sparkling eyes have closed.

She is asleep

Be at peace, my child. Be at peace. Mommy loves you so much. I will always be there for you.